A Bump in the Road

Sunday, January 8th, was not a good day for this momma. I had high hopes for Myers and myself and unfortunately they were shot down by people at the LAST place you'd ever hope to feel unwelcome. 

I shared a video on my Facebook page yesterday after processing everything that "went down." The video came at a good time yesterday afternoon and I felt like I needed more people to see it and to get a better understanding of my feelings (which are also the feelings of other parents of autistic children). Without going into the details of my Sunday experience, the video was posted by an account I follow on Instagram and Facebook: Tales of an Educated Debutante. Her post was about having a great day at church with her family, including her son who is autistic. I had the opposite experience, but her words were powerful. She was very encouraging, so I shared. 

Here's what I'd like to add to the video and to my short post regarding why I cried buckets of tears. 

First-nothing that happened yesterday was because of Myers. Nothing that was said when I arrived to church had anything to do with him. BUT, because I have anxiety about getting us places, church included, and because it takes a lot of self talk to get us ready and there anyway, I was devastated to feel like I wasn't welcome at my own church, a place I've been a fairly active member for nearly 10 years. The last few years I haven't been as involved for two reasons... 1) Covid 2) Mom of new baby who later was diagnosed with autism. 

Second-what happened inside the church was not about Myers. I was upset, visibly so, and when a church volunteer didn't welcome Myers and me with a single word after THINKING that we were new, but instead made comments to other children about Myers not knowing any better, because he stood quietly with me and played with a toy, I got more upset. I let it slide the first time, but after the second and, I believe, third, I finally let her know we were not in fact new, and the sharp response I got from that comment was so unwelcoming, Myers and I left the room. 

I need to say that I in no way, shape or form blame the church. I am not upset with those two individuals anymore. I cried for hours yesterday and I prayed about it, and I truly am starting to feel better, but I think my Facebook post may have been unclear. The church is not at fault. 

The reason I made the post, that I shared the video, is because parents of autistic children, no matter the "level" of autism, might, like me, suffer from anxiety. I'd go so far as to say this about any parent of any child with special needs. I might even say this about parents of children with no "special" needs. Parents may have anxiety. I DO. I worry, which I shouldn't, about what other people may say or do, but here is the difference about me personally. I care less about what other people think of us, of my family, of my absolutely perfect child, and MORE about what people may say or do that will HURT my boy. I want his safety, happiness, overall well being. I want him to feel loved. Speaking to another parent of an autistic child tonight, that person expressed very similar sentiments to me. She was saying she'll keep her child from certain situations when she knows he won't be treated kindly.

No, we cannot put our children in a bubble. We cannot protect them from every form of harm or hatred or ignorance, but we can try. We can share them with the world and hope that our love is enough. We can educate ourselves and share what we learn so that others may learn too. We won't always succeed, and mean people will be mean people, but like I told Myers as we laid down for prayers last night, he is perfect. He is his momma's favorite. And if ever he hears me say something about him to another person, he needs to know that his momma is never "badmouthing" him. I told Myers last night, and I tell my kids at school this too, my motto is to "show we are Christians by our love." If we can love others, we can forgive them, even when they hurt us deeply, and we can try to help them be better. 

Yesterday was ROUGH for me, but Myers was great. He had fun at church. He played happily at the park. We had a golf cart ride. It was a good day for Myers. Yesterday was simply a bump in the road for me. I know there will be more, but I'm preparing myself for them. With education, and with prayer, I will smooth our path.

*Side note for those still worried about the church. Several people from church, including the pastor, reached out to me. We are good there. We will continue attending, and my hope is that perhaps I can help this from happening to others.