Old School
In my last post, I mentioned that my son, Myers, was three when we received a diagnosis for autism. The year prior, we had enrolled Myers in a private, bilingual school near our house. I was SO for this place. With my travel and love for languages, and with the proximity to our home, on top of the fact that the school was a Christian one, I was gung-ho. Chance and I toured the place, and although it was really outdated and very small, we were excited to enroll Myers. Chance had been keeping Myers during the day when I worked, then trying to run his business in the afternoons. He was happy to get some freedom and we wanted Myers to have the social experience of being at school. Covid kept us from church and friends much of the time, and Myers had never been to daycare, so we felt that attending school part time would be really good for him.
In August of 2021, Chance took Myers to school for the first time. I was already teaching downtown and I thought it would be best for Myers to not have me there for first day...he had (and still has) some separation anxiety issues with his momma. Chance also picked Myers up that first day. The principal told Chance, on day one, that Myers needed to "learn to follow directions." Direct punch to my gut. Remember, Myers was not diagnosed at this time. He was two. He had never been to school before and never been in a group of more than three kids. He also was put in a classroom where the teachers spoke a foreign language and like any other child, he was scared. He cowered under the playground equipment and kept off to the side of the room when the teachers did group work. He cried the entire first day. I got updates, late in the evening, through a teacher/parent app. I got a few pictures, all heartbreaking. Day two rolled around and Myers and Chance had the same experience as day one. Wednesday, I had Chance keep Myers home. I knew he was tired and not feeling well and I wasn't going to subject him to torture. I am a teacher. I know there is something to be done to make children and parents feel welcome, loved. This was not happening.
Myers' OT at the time, a wonderful girl named Ore, said she'd be my inside eyes. Myers had come home those first two days with all of his snack in his lunch bag. This made me curious because although Myers was a picky eater, he was a good eater. If I pack snacks he likes, he will eat them! Ore went to school to have her session and to later report back to me. She realized that the teachers hadn't been allowing Myers to eat if he wasn't "following directions." Myers ate with Ore that day because she allowed him to sit on the carpet instead of at the table with all the other kids. After Ore's report, I pulled Myers from the school. Maybe I was too quick to remove him and maybe things would have gotten better, but I was literally destroyed after his first experience with school. I talked with Chance and we decided that Myers wasn't ready. Maybe it was me not ready, but I believe that God closed that door for a reason. I had several email exchanges with the teachers and principal of the school where Myers was in attendance for that one week. None of them made me feel better. It wasn't worth staying.
One night, two months later, Chance and I were at a Rodrigo y Gabriela concert in Downtown Charleston. I had seen them when I lived in Dublin (fun fact-that's where they were discovered). They are incredibly talented musicians and I wanted Chance to see the magic in their guitar playing. If you didn't guess by their names, they are Spanish speakers-Mexicans to be exact. They started off with this beautiful Spanish opening act, and from there, I got so emotional. I cried silent tears much of the concert because I was so hurt by the school. I didn't want Myers to feel he wasn't wanted there, or for him to get a bad taste in his mouth for education. I could not, and can not, understand how educators could be so heartless and unaccommodating.
Fast forward another few weeks, and I was home from work one Friday morning. I don't remember if it was a personal day or if Myers had a doctor's appointment, but God had me there for a reason. I got a knock at the front door. When I answered, I was gobsmacked. No, it wasn't the Mexican guitar duo, it was the school principal. He had come to apologize, and to offer me a refund for tuition.
Now, apologies go a long way, and although I had much to say to him, I graciously accepted and didn't speak my mind that morning, but to this day, I plot ways of sharing what he NEEDS to know about Myers, and about any other child that walks through his school doors. What happened that first week of school is unacceptable. I know my situation is not the norm, and that most attendees and parents LOVE this school. I believe, under difference circumstances, things could have been sooo different, but I can say this...that old school CHOSE to NOT HEAR ME before Myers began school. I knew my child and I knew it would be an adjustment. As a teacher, I knew what to expect, and as a mother, I knew, to some extent, how things might go. I requested conferences before school and I was denied. "The teachers are in trainings" or "we will schedule something after school starts" were again and again their response to my requests. Maybe things wouldn't have gone any differently, but I feel that if they had sat down with me as I asked, and if they heard me share a little about Myers, we would have had a much different experience.
All things happen for a reason, of course, and while all of this was going on at Myers' school, I was participating in a professional development Downtown that was arming me with some really good weapons. Building up that arsenal, I will fight for my child.
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